Wednesday, 4 September 2013

The End or A New Beginning?

The clich├ęd title of this post may reflect a whole variety of things about my life, my career and my marriage, but mainly it reflects this blog. For all of the elements a new beginning is accurate, but the blog, it may be the end. I don't know yet, but I wanted something out there to explain my silence, other than "yet another sex and relationship blog bites the dust." So, where am I?

1) The 101 Things To Do List is coming along brilliantly. I came out to a group of people, collected another qualification, got my professional website set-up, went to a three-star Michelin restaurant and more. If I get a chance I'll update the list.

2) Hubby has a dominant streak a mile wide. Seriously, it's amazing. He has learnt to enjoy the domestic dominance and controlling me with just a look or a subtle change in tone in his voice. It adds another very strong bond to our relationship and a sexual frisson that wasn't there before. Not to mention, he really likes metal and controlling my orgasms, the latter is awesome - the former is terrifying (in a good way of course). It makes me sad how much amazing sex he (and I) missed out on, but hapy he is finally finding it AND WITH ME! Yey!

So, if this is great and there are some positive things to explore in this blog, why could this be my last post? There are three reasons:

1) I was getting addicted to the blogging world. While I don't see a problem with this, I am an oversharer and need to control the natural honesty policy I have. I generally confess everything (to give you an idea, I broke a washing machine in a rented house 20 years ago, I still feel guilty because I never owned up). I don't like not sharing my actions, thoughts, and dreams with people. It feels icky. The very close bereavement I had, followed by a health scare that started two days after my Knife Play post and lasted a whole month, gave me a chance to kill the addiction and not spill out the secrets of everyone I know.

2) I met someone (in case you've forgotten, I am polyamorous, hubby is monogamous, complex emotional dramas ensue). This guy is charming, funny, attractive, clever, and sexy. I was trying to work out how to be friends with him, while negotiating my (and his) desires, hubby's nervousness, and this new guy's personal situation - a closed relationship. I point blank refuse to "go there" because I believe I have a moral responsibility to someone I have never met (and boy, does that put Paul in perspective, I only blamed myself for that situation and defended his innocence - nonsense!). Playing with boundaries like that is complex. I wrote so many blogs about the friendship (which is ongoing), but this is the first I have posted about it because I have not asked his permission to share his story. I don't know if I have the right.

3) Mainly though, this may be the end because of hubby. Something VERY, VERY major has happened to his health. It limits what he - what we - can do in our daily lives and it will do, to varying degrees, forever. His health is his story to tell, but without sharing it more I would be limited in what sexy times I could write about because it effects that too. Maybe in the future the blog can change and talk specifically about that, but not now.

If you reached the end of this post, whoop whoop, go you! If you have ever commented on any of my posts, thank you with bells whistles and plenty of spanks. You really made a big difference to mine and hubby's life. I am sorry to be leaving and hope to be back someday.

All the best,

Emily

PS How could this post go ahead without being part of a meme? No way! Clickety Click