A reader of my blog emailed me to tell me I appear “aggressively heterosexual.” This traumatized me. I do not want to be seen as aggressively anything, especially when I do not feel heterosexual, nor do I identify as such. My primary sexual identities are polyamorous and kinky, neither of which focus on the gender of my partner. My gender related sexuality is not pansexual, lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual. I am heteroflexible.
According to the great bastion of knowledge known as
Wikipedia, “Heteroflexibility is a form of a sexual orientation or situational
sexual behavior characterized by minimal homosexual activity despite a
primarily heterosexual sexual orientation that is considered to distinguish it
from bisexuality. It has been characterized as 'mostly straight.'”
Apart from being an appallingly written sentence this definition
works for me, but let me explain a bit more.
My first sexual experience with another person was when I
was about seven or nine-ish. The person was a girl, and I am sure I had no idea
what we were doing was “sexual.” We were just in bed together naked and
fumbling about a bit.
My first teenage naked sexual experience was with a
female. I was about 17. Since then I have snogged women, made out with them,
and had sex with them. Except for the odd snog and groping sessions all of my
experiences with women have been exclusively for our own sexual pleasure and
not with any influence from a third party (i.e. not for the male gaze).
I love to look at women, to fantasize about them, to play
with them. I like breasts. I like waists. I like faces. I like bums. I like cunts.
I enjoy how women feel against me. In fact, I have a very specific type.
Without exception all of the women I have had sex with have been a few inches
shorter than me, very pretty, with long dark brown or black hair (usually
curly), and very voluptuous figures. They have all been overtly sexual and with
very forceful personalities. And nerds. Yep, all of them have been geeks.
Why do I seem aggressively heterosexual then? I assume it
is because this blog isn’t about my past sexual experiences. It is
about my current sexual experiences and about my recent emotional relationships.
Despite my somewhat needy desire for a female friend of mine who lives
thousands of miles away from me, I am currently “female” free. I expect
that this will remain so for the majority of my life. This is because I have
never dated a female, I don’t know why. This is not to say that I won’t, at
some point in the future, date a woman. About a decade ago I was besotted with
a female friend of mine, and I would have loved to be her “girlfriend,” but she
was very heterosexual.
I am no longer someone who has casual sexual encounters. This
makes it unlikely that I will be writing about my sexual experiences with women
in this blog. But, dear Reader, I hope this will counter, at least a little,
any notion of my aggressive heterosexuality. If the right woman (cis, genderqueer, or trans) were
to come along, I would not hesitate to embrace them in my heart and desire.